Disabled by Culture

This blog is mostly for quotes. The main topics are LGBTQ-stuff, feminism, trauma, dissociation, and child development.

In order to set boundaries with another person (whether it means saying no to sex, refusing to take an adolescent to the convenience store late at night to pick up a notebook for school because he “forgot” to ask earlier, or insisting on equal pay for equal work), one must know that one has the right to feel as one does: that one has the right to set the boundary, feel the feeling, or make the demand.

In narcissistic families, be they covert or overt, the children are not entitled to have, express, or experience feelings that are unacceptable to the parents. Children learn to do all manner of things with their feelings so as not to create problems for themselves vis-à-vis their parents: they stuff them, sublimate them, deny them, lie about them, fake them, and ultimately forget how to experience them. What has been extinguished in childhood—the right to feel—is difficult to call back in adulthood. But until adults understand that they have a right to feel whatever it is that they feel, and that they always had that right, they will be unable to move forward in boundary setting. And without appropriate boundaries, all relationships are skewed and unhealthy.
— Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman, The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis & Treatment

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